I found this scripture really meaningful...

"For our light affliction, which is but for a moment, worketh for us a far more exceeding and eternal weight of glory; While we look not at the things which are seen, but at the things which are not seen: for the things which are seen are temporal; but the things which are not seen are eternal."

-2 Corinthians 4:14

I've found today that I was having a hard time in certain situations that have been there lately in my life. Then, I read this and I realized that these things are good for me. I may not be positive where I'll end up. And I may not know what will happen. But, I'm being shaped by what's happening, God has a plan, and that's all I really need to know. Those things which I can't see, both in the future and those which I'm just having a hard time seeing right now, are what will last. I can't base all my emotions on what I'm seeing and feeling at one moment. I know that things will be okay and I'll be able to get through every trial and decision in life as long as I'm following the right path and have faith that the Lord knows where it's going. 

And I know this same thing applies to everybody who's reading this. Hope it helps you, too.

When You Put Your Whole Self Into It

So, I’ve realized lately that I set myself up all the time to be disappointed. I’ve reflected on it, and realized that applies to so many aspects of my life. When I do anything, I put all of my emotion and heart into it. I did that with my music ambitions and was pretty disappointed to spend years of training with the trumpet only to realize it wasn’t enough to be where I wanted to be in college. I tried to put what I could into learning piano… and then I had a disastrous recital that shook a lot of confidence out of me. There was the time when I had the trumpet solos in front of a small stadium several times back when I was determined enough to do marching back in high school… and I bombed it the first time, which crushed me for a while just because of the sheer amount of emotion and determination I had put forth to learning it. When I had a job and was fired, I wanted to go home and sit there for a long time without doing anything.  I didn’t try as hard as I should have, but it hurt me so badly since I was so happy to have a job and it made me have so much confidence just having one. It’s also the same with dating. I give out everything I have every time and put so much emotion into making a girl feel special, which makes it so I’m most likely going to get hurt.

That’s just a few examples. But, you know what? This is what has made my life so great. I think having that enthusiasm for everything you do is important if you’re ever going to get anywhere. A lot of the time, that enthusiasm will leave you disappointed and can even seem self-destructive when it crushes you under the weight of hope. Then again, a person who doesn’t  have this emotion for life will never experience some of the lowest lows and and highest highs that have shaped me life and made it so much worth living.

 

To Learn and To Grow

Life is interesting. You never know what’s going to happen. One moment, you’re completely sick of being exhausted all the time from everything that you have to do. Then, you kind of want to be exhausted so you can spend more time talking all night with somebody you meet out of the blue. I’ve learned my life will always have difficulties. I don’t mind that. It’s not something I can prevent or should try to stop. Who I make myself out to be and what kind of a person I am is what I can control and what I will try to control. I can influence who I help, what I learn, if I decide to write a new song or get in shape, or if I make new friends. It’s good to have somebody along for the ride, but it may not work that way when you want it to. I’m just glad I’m blessed with the wonderful life I’ve been given to make the most out of my opportunities and grow from them. Life really is as good as you make it.

Vanilla Milk

I've had a number of addictions in the past: Facebook, Nesquik, ESPN, BYU Creamery chocolate milk, apple juice, texting... and now Vanilla Milk.

The other night, I decided I wanted to start using my vanilla extract more, and was just about out of Nesquik, so decided maybe vanilla would work as a good substitute... It's delicious. That's all I have to say. You should try it.

Cinnamon Challenge...

My new roommate bought a cinnamon, plug-in-the-wall candle the other day. Once I smelled it, my memory was kind of unpleasantly jogged though. haha

Last Spring, I was talking with the guys and somehow the concept of the Cinnamon Challenge came out. I told them I thought I could do it, that it really didn't sound too difficult. Seeing my ignorance, they quickly jumped on it and persuaded me to try. I was way confident, and quickly got out a big spoon and filled it to the brim with cinnamon from the common shelf. I didn't think I'd need water, but they got me a big glass of it, anyway.

For anyone who hasn't done this, it's NOT as easy as you'd think. Right after just trying to swallow it, I choked and coughed out about half of it. I literally had a hard time swallowing and breathing. It was terrible. My roommates were laughing SOO hard, though. I felt pretty dumb.

And that's why I don't like cinnamon anymore...

Interchangeable

My roommate Derek and I have decided that the words "Derek" and "good" are interchangeable and mean the same thing. So feel free to start using it. It may be hard to catch on to at first, though. So, here's a few examples to start you out with:

"Derek job!"
"You look Derek today!"
"This delicious food tastes really Derek."
"You have a pretty Derek sense of humor"
 "Derek morning! And in case I don't see ya, Derek afternoon, Derek evening, and Derek night!"

Hopefully the thesaurus catches on soon so people don't get confused when this starts being used in everyday conversation.

Confronting the Past and Moving On

Today, I went to my last class and saw somebody in it who I'd been almost trying to avoid for a while. This girl and I were kind of close to dating a while back, and then it was tough when it ended. So, things have been kind of awkward ever since then, and I haven't been able to see her anymore without feeling sad. I'd kind of moved on, and now it's bringing back old memories and feelings I was trying to forget. However, I'm starting to think this is a good thing. Sometimes, you're going to be put in situations where you have to confront your past. I think that only by confronting your past can you better control your future. Without completely addressing things you only suppressed, they'll only continue to come up and bother you. So, it looks like I'll to have to do that somehow. I believe everything happens for a reason, including ending up in the same class as this girl. So, I'm going to embrace the situation and hopefully become a stronger person through it.

The Night Before School Starts

Tomorrow comes the start of another semester at BYU. As far as where I'm at, I guess I'm on Academic Warning in school for failing a class during the Summer. That was really bad. I can't believe that really happened, but I guess I'll just have to try harder this semester. That's not asking too much, and I think I can do well this time if I put more work into everything. So, I'll probably be really busy starting tomorrow and might not have a whole lot of time to do much outside of school for a while.

Aside from that, I'm getting a little worn out in the dating department. It seems like just about the same thing happens every time I meet somebody who feels like she might be right for me, which is that she seems to get bored and find somebody else. And it also feels like I'm usually shafted and left for the same type of guy. Not sure what to do about that, and I don't know how well I can keep going on with the dating game at the moment. However, I'm sure it will turn out well soon enough. So, I will keep trying and just have faith that I'll meet the right person at the right time. I'm a little scared to continue, honestly. Guess that's natural.

Got to go and run a half marathon a couple weeks ago. It was actually longer than I thought it would be. I'd only ran about 8.5 miles before that run, so it was nearly 5 miles longer than anything I'd done before. Just glad I finished it. The run was at night during a full moon and supposedly also during a meteor shower, which I didn't see. Still, it may have been the prettiest run I've ever been on.

Also, my longtime buddy from Colorado, Steven Allred, randomly moved into an apartment below mine last week, and it's kind of cool having a good friend in the ward.

I think I'm gonna have a really good year. Things seem to be looking up. And maybe I'll finally have some better luck with dating, especially inside the ward. Who knows? Only about a year and a half left until I graduate. Here's to making it the best 18 months of my life.

Fourth Post of the Day

I guess I win. ;)

Had This Song Stuck in My Head Lately

Everything I'm Looking For

There's this girl I met recently, and I guess she's kind of just about everything I'm looking for in a girl. I've found that I really like her, and I just hope things work out well this time. I'm not about to let fear of another heartbreak stop me from doing anything. So, I think I'm gonna do what I can to sweep her off her feet. That's about what I can do, and we'll see how it goes.

Cheesy Basketball Metaphor

So, I was thinking a little bit about basketball and kind of had another thought pop up. When I'm bored, I'll sometimes go and shoot hoops for a bit. It can helps me relax when I have a lot on my mind. After shooting for a while, I might actually start making shots. Yeah, I actually do get the ball in the hoop sometimes. Making several shots in a row, I'll get really confident and think I can hit just about everything. That's usually about when I miss and start not being able to hit anything. You see this a lot in pro basketball, when a shooter gets confident and makes a lot of shots, the ball suddenly turns into a brick and they can't make a shot?

I think that applies to a lot more than basketball. Sometimes, life starts going well and everything is going how we want it to. We get confident, and we try to do more, often while trying less... and then choke. Things start going awry and we wonder what made it do so. Maybe we let ourselves get just too proud, and it really does give us problems. The scriptures are filled with examples of pride causing the downfall of great men and women. So, I'd just like to say that maybe we should be try to be humble and we'll do better.

Hopefully that fills everybody's cheesy basketball metaphor quota for today.

Another Reason to Believe in People

Sometimes, I can be really cynical. I've often felt that people will only really help others or be generous when they have a reason to be. However, I'm glad to be proven wrong.

Yesterday, I finished class, got a few groceries, and walked out to my car to drive home, only to find that my car was dead. About then, it started raining, and it didn't seem like fun to walk home in. So, I went right back into the small store south of campus and bought some oil, hoping the problem would just be that there the car was running low. That wasn't it. Annoyed, I walked home in the rain and grumbled to myself about how much I loved my car breaking down so I could walk home in the rain.

I got home and tried to get some help from my roommates, but they did not have any jumper cables. Discouraged, I then posted on Facebook as a last resort that I could use some help jumping my car. I didn't expect anybody to respond and, for a while, they didn't, as I stewed over what in the world I would do.

It didn't take too long before I heard from a friend asking if I still needed help with my car. This was somebody I hadn't talked to in a while. He didn't even live in the same apartment complex. What surprised me the most, however, is that this person had no reason to help. There was nothing tangible really gained for him, as there was no cute girl involved, and it took a few minutes out of a likely busy schedule. After jumping the car, we left to do our own things, and there was nothing more made of it besides my offer to return the favor whenever he might need it.

Shortly after, I received another text from a girl asking if I still needed help with the car. I was even more surprised then, because I didn't even think one person would really want to help, and now here I was getting another person willing to give me a hand.

After yesterday, I've changed my perspective a little bit. Maybe people don't all need reasons to help. There really are individuals out there who will be charitable for its own sake, even without being asked directly. After thinking for a bit, I'm not sure if I would have done something like that, and I could probably use to have a mindset more like somebody who is looking for opportunities to help. Hopefully, I can become the type of person who would do more out of pure generosity. That would be something for everybody to strive for.

That Moment When You Realize It Was A Bad Idea

Sometimes, you have a moment of realization when you see the consequences of doing something and know you shouldn't have done it. Right now is one of those times.

This weekend, I was supposed to be productive. I told myself I would actually do more school work. However, starting with Friday, I decided to have fun instead. My school work would get done eventually, and I had plenty of time for all of it.

That night, I watched a movie with people from the Ward. Then, on Saturday, I slept most the day and did hardly anything at night. When last night rolled along, I knew I needed to get some homework and studying done. Instead, I chose to play Settler of Catan, and then Super Smash Bros. with friends.

So, now it's about 2:15 AM and I still have to study for a test, get some homework done for today, and read the chapter before class at 4 in the afternoon.

Crud...

Strengthening

Sometimes, you try something several times, and it doesn't seem to work so well. You're not sure if it's because you're not committed, not trying hard enough, or if it just isn't something that's going to happen. Well, despite this, you still want to try again. And so do I.

Getting physically stronger. I've tried this several times. Not gonna lie, I'm not sure if I really want to get stronger or if I just want to look better for the purpose of making myself more attractive to girls. However, I've never ended up getting as good results as I'd like. Then, of course, I become disinterested and stop trying quite so much. Who wants to keep trying something when it doesn't seem to work or is just taking too long? In the past, it hasn't been me.

The last few days, I've began going back to the gym and lift. It hurts. I'm sore right now, and probably will continue to be sore for a little while longer. Just like most other things in life, I need to keep going if I want results.

Sometimes, people give up too easily on what they want. They have a dream, but don't think they can realize it. There's obstacles that crop up, and they give up. Why? Sometimes, something prevents it and there really is nothing they can do. Usually, though, it's just because they meet opposition and just don't care enough to overcome it. I don't want to be one of these people.

Right now, I really want to get stronger. That is what I'm going to do.

"I Think You're Adorable"

What is that supposed to really mean?

A couple of nights ago, I sang in a concert with the BYU University Chorale. That was a good experience, especially since I don't get a lot of chances to sing in a big choir.

Anyway, after the concert I was making my way out and was tapped on the back by a girl. She said something to the effect of: "Excuse me. I know this is really awkward. This is probably the last time I'll see you. I'm kind of weird and like watching people sing. But, I think you're adorable."

It was definitely a little unexpected. I wasn't sure how to respond, so I just thanked her and left.

There was a lot that ran through my mind about what to say. I thought about asking for her number or if she'd like to do something this weekend, especially since she was kind of cute. However, it was just such an ambiguous statement. Did she mean adorable like a little kid or something more? I really am not quite sure. How young I look usually causes me to question things like that. I may never know.

I tried to find out who she was later that night through Blackboard and Facebook, since it was kind of getting at me. I couldn't find her, though, so maybe she wasn't in the class, or was just watching from the audience. Oh well, I guess. At least it made my night a little better.

Let me know what you think.

Are We Making This Too Complicated?

This past weekend was LDS General Conference, and I really enjoyed it. Having the opportunity to get all that spiritual, wholesome enlightenment in one weekend is a great experience. I felt better and more optimistic Saturday night than I have in a long time.

One thing which was discussed a bit this time was the subject on marriage. Now, I don't really have that strong of an opinion on the subject. I'm not really all that close to getting married and don't feel too much need to hurry. Maybe that's wrong of me to feel that way. I don't know. Anyway, a lot of what was said was that we should be working to get married if we're at the right age, and it's not good if we're delaying it.

I've kind of thought about this a bit and have seen some discussion on the subject. I agree with some others that it seems so simple. It's like we should be able to find another person fairly easily, with all the people of both sexes looking for somebody to marry. With this same concept, it might even be fairly easy to find a girlfriend. However, it's not. Both of these can actually be really difficult.

I kind of wonder why that is. Almost everybody wants somebody else to be there for them. There's lots of people lonely out there and it seems like they should be able to find each other without too much difficulty. Then why are any people lonely and heartbroken when there are other people out there who feel the same way?

I think much of the problem may be due to high standards, maybe a little too high. A lot of us are trying not too settle for less than we think we can get. We often don't even test our compatibility with some people, since we've told ourselves it wouldn't work. Many set out on dates with this initial mindset, that they can't like the other person more than a friend and the date is just for fun. This results in a lot of pointless dates, because we're not looking at the other person as somebody that's even a candidate.

Back to the topic, I wonder if marriage would be quite as difficult if we just changed our attitude... if we went into every date looking at the other person as if they might be the one. That's really what dating is, isn't it? Maybe we should not go into anything with expectations, too low or too high, and just see how it goes. Maybe if we would stop waiting to find the right person and decide any person could be right for us, it'd be a lot easier... If, when we meet others, we treat them equally instead of based off whether or not that person seems datable. This is something I could do better with, as well, and I admit it's more difficult than it sounds.

I'm going to try to do better, though. I think, if we all made a little bit more effort to be open and give people chances, it'd make finding the right person for us a lot easier, as it would at least be a little less complicated than we might be making it.

Unwatchable

You know how there's some people who use certain words or phrases over and over? I had a friend in one of my classes who decided to count all the times one of the guys in the class said "like" while making a comment. I think it may have been over 10. I think there's a lot of people who do this.

Now, if you happen to be a person who doesn't mind watching R-rated movies, you'll often see a trend very similar. Just about every minute contains an F-bomb. If you think about how many times it's thrown out there for no particular reason, you may just start to realize how unwatchable it really is.

I'm not usually all that keen on watching these types of movies, but I will often overhear them, and it's really annoying. I honestly don't know how people could enjoy watching a movie which repeats one word so often. Why is this particular word okay to say repeatedly while any other word said with the same frequency would be ridiculous?

It's honestly not much different than teenagers who repeat the word "like" in nearly every sentence. People get to the point where they don't even realize one word is being repeated over and over. They don't care.

That's not me. I don't understand the appeal of swearing so often, and I don't think we have to watch this junk that Hollywood keeps pouring out. It's not good. Then again, people can and usually will do whatever they want.

Let's at least try and be a bit smarter with what we watch.

My Problem With Procrastination

Anybody who knows me will know that there is at least one thing I am terrible at: getting my work done earlier rather than later. Even right now, I'm stalling writing an essay and doing reading to write a blog post. You know it's bad when you're procrastinating to blog about your problem with procrastination. So, what do I do in these countless hours I spend avoiding obligations? Glad you asked. My 4 biggest most unimportant priorities include:

Facebook I don't even know why I get on that much anymore. My motivation to spend hours checking it should be all but gone. It's pretty much just become a habit now. I'm pretty sure I'm not the only one with the problem, though. The site has pretty much become a national pandemic.

Sports I have an unhealthy addiction to following sports. I don't even really care what sport it is. If there's a team I like that's playing, I can tune out of obligations for hours at a time to watch. And it's not even limited to the TV, either! I constantly check news to make sure my teams are doing well and to read about what journalists are saying about them. Yeah, it's ridiculous. I not only watch and have my opinions about teams, but I spend a lot of time reading about what other people think! Sometimes, I wonder why we pay people to write about their opinions. It'd be nice to get paid for writing all this. Anybody want to sponsor me? No? Okay, whatever...

Music I enjoy music. I've enjoyed it for a long time, and I've played the trumpet for while. Yeah, it can be kind of boring to some people, but I like it.

Youtube Here's a great time waster! Anybody that has been there knows exactly what I'm talking about.

So, now that I've succeeded in wasting a lot more time...I'm done posting. See ya later!

The Seemingly Neverending Quest to Graduate

Today, I read through one of my friends' blogs, and remembered she will be graduating from school at the end of next year. She has a little over a year left, and then will be graduating. This was just a little depressing for me. I'm happy for her that she'll be graduating. It really is a great thing! However, she started school a year later than I did...and I'm not even close.

I really shouldn't have let this happen. When I started school, I thought it would only take about four years and then I'd be done. Then, I became a bit complacent, lost focus, even failed classes, and now I don't even know if I'll be done within the next three years. I am still a Sophomore in terms of credits, and I'm at the end of my third year at BYU. Then, there's Graduate School I will need to do right after if I'm to become a Counseling Psychologist like I am planning to be right now. So, it's likely I'll be in school still in five years.

How do you keep being enthusiastic about school when you're so far in...yet feel so far away from finishing?

It's similar to when you're running and there's a lot of people faster than you are. After 15 minutes, you look up in the distance and see the finish line, where people are already starting to cross it and celebrate. You get a feeling of happiness for a few seconds, almost celebrating yourself, only to remember you have a long way to go. It becomes much more of a struggle, because some of the people you began the race with are already finished. If you could have just gone faster, maybe you would be there right now. But, you're not...

Back to school, I really don't know how I will keep running or where to draw strength from. I always do and will manage. Still, it feels like I'm going so slow that a new race started while I was still running, and people are already close to finishing that one, as well.

It's so frustrating being at the point where I've fallen behind many of my friends. I don't want to see people graduate before me who I was a Freshman with, or who are younger than I am. That's so tough to watch.

At this point, it's good to remember that we never end up where we are without a reason. The Lord always has a plan for you and, as long as you keep doing what you're supposed to do, you'll end up right where you're supposed to be. I really believe that's true. So, for right now, I'll just renew my focus, continue running, while keeping a picture of the finish line fresh in my head. I'll be there soon enough, and not a moment too late.

Friendly Wagers

I'm apparently not very good at gambling.

Last semester, my roommate Cole and I had a disagreement on a football game between the University of Utah and San Diego State. I really thought SDSU would win that one. However, I wasn't sure, so to convince me he gave me 2:1 odds. If I won, he'd give me six Krispy Kreme donuts, while I only had to pay up three if he won. So, without knowing what I was starting, I took the bet and lost.

Within a little while after, I still hadn't given the donuts, and we had another disagreement between who would win a game between the Philadelphia Eagles and Green Bay Packers. So, I put another 3 donuts on the line. If I won, I would no longer owe him anything but, if I lost, I would then owe him three in addition the the three I already owed. Of course, I lost again, and then I owed him half a dozen. It took some time for me to get them, but I eventually did, and was finally free of this debt...though I may have doubled it again if he agreed. Maybe I should have stopped there.

That didn't happen. Now, I'm a big Nuggets fan and Cole likes the Jazz. During one week when there was a game between the two, we made a wager for five dollars worth of Wendy's food to whoever's team won. I agreed to it, and hoped to win this time... which didn't happen. We went to get the food that night.

There has been one more bet since then. We made a bet at the end of one of the Nuggets games. This time, I either had to take out the trash or he had to drink three raw eggs. And I won! I felt kind of bad about Cole drinking raw eggs because of me, and it's probably not great for me to have reinforcement to keep these wagers going, but I did win one. The score is 3-1.

I think I am finally over her...and on with my life.

Saying this is really liberating. Tonight, I went back and read her blog, realized she had a boyfriend... and it doesn't really bother me too much. I'm actually happy for her now. It's not awkward for me anymore and I think I can finally move on. Things are over. I can say it and mean it now. There's been other girls I've liked and have had other experiences. She seems like such a distant part of my past now that I can look back and remember the fun times without being too sad. Some things just don't work out. Maybe you wish they did, but that's okay. I can accept it and be content.

Now, I really think I should work on moving out of this complex, getting away from some of the old memories, and making new ones. Hopefully, I can still keep in touch with some of the people from my old ward, though. Anyway, there's at least one girl who I think might like me right now, and I'd like to see if anything could go anywhere. It's hard to be sure of one of them, though, since girls often won't give strong enough hints so I know. Maybe I'm just not all that smart. One thing I wish is that they'd be less afraid to do something, since I'll often be the one to take initiative if I at least have a good idea that a girl's interested. Then again, I'm sometimes scared of breaking a girl's heart if things go that way. It's really stupid. I should probably be more worried about somebody else hurting me me, since most girls are way above my level. Why am I going on about this? Well, since you ask, it's because I have my own blog! And it's awesome. Haha. Yeah, so I don't even care. If people don't want to read, they don't have to. Haha.

There's a lot out there for me to experience. One thing I just need to figure out is how to sleep at night, since trouble sleeping is one thing I definitely have not gotten over yet. My life is looking like it can only get better, though!

What I'm Not Able to Say

So, I've had a lot of scattered thoughts on my mind lately, most directed at different people. One of my friends had a post similar to this, and I figured it may be a good way to get get things out. It probably will be apparent how many girl problems I've had, but oh well. Haha. Here's a few things I've wanted to say:

• I don't know what to do. I'm sorry I don't really talk to you anymore, but there just wasn't really anything there, and I feel bad that I could hurt somebody. Hopefully someday you can forgive me.
• I'm sorry I didn't remember you're allergic to fruit when I made you that blackberry pie. You shouldn't have felt guilty to eat it. I went to see you at Acoustic Explosion the other night and you sounded great. I wish people would have shut up while you were performing. A lot of the pain was brought back when I saw you again, though. I miss you and wish you would talk to me again like we used to every day. It makes me feel sad when I think of the memories and wonder what could have been. When I saw you in the hall the other day, I wanted to say something, but didn't because I knew it would make you feel uncomfortable. I was actually singing one of your songs to myself right then, which is kind of ironic. Sometimes, when I get a text, I'll have a dim hope it might be you. And, when I went on a walk last night, I had a thought that maybe I'd run into you on the same streets we'd went for a walk on before. It's sometimes frustrating that I still haven't gotten over you. I still hope that we can be friends again someday, but it's probably in vain. As one of my friends put it, "it doesn't work that way." I hoped she was wrong, but maybe not. After all the time that's past, I still can't bring myself to say goodbye.
  
• I've kind of wondered before if things what would happen if you and I dated. We've known each other for a while and it's really interesting to think about. It's kind of a weird thought. haha
  
• Thanks for the date. It's been nice having somebody to talk to.
  
• I kind of like you and hope maybe you'll give me a chance. You're kind of confusing me, though, and I'm not quite sure what you think about me. When are we going to hang out again?
• I found out that you were never serious. Why would you do that to me? It makes me a bit angry thinking about it.
• I liked you for several years and never told you. It would have been kind of hard with all the people who were into you and the fact that among those people was one of my best friends made it a bit harder. I'm kind of glad I never decided to tell you, though, since we can still talk to each other and are friends, while complicating things a bit often seems to ruin friendships.

That feels a little bit better.