When You Put Your Whole Self Into It

So, I’ve realized lately that I set myself up all the time to be disappointed. I’ve reflected on it, and realized that applies to so many aspects of my life. When I do anything, I put all of my emotion and heart into it. I did that with my music ambitions and was pretty disappointed to spend years of training with the trumpet only to realize it wasn’t enough to be where I wanted to be in college. I tried to put what I could into learning piano… and then I had a disastrous recital that shook a lot of confidence out of me. There was the time when I had the trumpet solos in front of a small stadium several times back when I was determined enough to do marching back in high school… and I bombed it the first time, which crushed me for a while just because of the sheer amount of emotion and determination I had put forth to learning it. When I had a job and was fired, I wanted to go home and sit there for a long time without doing anything.  I didn’t try as hard as I should have, but it hurt me so badly since I was so happy to have a job and it made me have so much confidence just having one. It’s also the same with dating. I give out everything I have every time and put so much emotion into making a girl feel special, which makes it so I’m most likely going to get hurt.

That’s just a few examples. But, you know what? This is what has made my life so great. I think having that enthusiasm for everything you do is important if you’re ever going to get anywhere. A lot of the time, that enthusiasm will leave you disappointed and can even seem self-destructive when it crushes you under the weight of hope. Then again, a person who doesn’t  have this emotion for life will never experience some of the lowest lows and and highest highs that have shaped me life and made it so much worth living.