26th Year

It's my birthday. I've lived through 26 years. And it's been an eventful one, as all lives are. I've met people, seen places, and done things... many times over.

Yet, this past year has seemed different. I haven't written in this blog for a while. Probably because life has been much busier than it had ever been. Going to college, finishing your degree with some work mixed in, and just looking after yourself for a while... that's doesn't really take much work. For years, I bought the same thing at the grocery store nearly every time. I did my own things. I had much of my income coming out of student loans, and I didn't worry so much about where my my sustenance would be provided from.

Things are different now. The past couple years, I've had to learn to work a professional job. I've been let go from jobs. I've had heartbreak. I've learned to cope with true anxiety. And it's given me new insight at how much effort life takes when you truly become an adult after getting a degree.

As I said, this year has brought even more learning experiences than I've had in the past. Since my last birthday, I've been learning to live and become interdependent with another person. I wasn't married yet at this point last year... but, I was engaged and fully going down that path. I will have to say that it is an enormous blessing, but it also takes more patience, love, and commitment than anything one will ever do. It is definitely a learning experience. I have also learned, through necessity, how much work it is to maintain and stay at a legitimate, working class job for over a year. I had held a job that long before... just a student job at BYU, though. And one that took almost no brain power. This current job I'm in is one which has days that take all the emotional and mental strength I have just to make it through the shift and get home. In the past, I could always just quit and search for something new if I didn't like where I was. Can't do that anymore. This has also been an adjustment.

In the middle of all this work, and all this effort, I am learning what life is meant to be... well, I guess the answer is in that statement... as life is truly made by the education you gain from real struggles. I feel I've grown more from the learning experiences than I could ever have by staying single and working low-paying, temporary jobs I could quit whenever I wanted to. Some things you just can't learn without experience. In this experience, I have learned to become more responsible, less selfish, more charitable, less stubborn, and much more diligent both at work and at home.

I'm starting to learn the meaning of the Book of Mormon scriptures which tells us that Adam fell so that we might have joy, and that true joy does not come without adversity. In the middle of what many would call a great amount of adversity, I've also seen more joy than perhaps I've ever experienced. From working a job with more responsibility than I've previously had, I have learned the joy that comes with achieving goals after many months of striving to reach them. You can't learn that unless you have a job which takes that kind of effort, and in which you've put in enough time. In marriage, I have learned the joy which comes from celebrating a spouse's triumphs, traveling together, learning to meet needs together, become of one heart and mind, and the strength it can give.

Even if the increased responsibility and difficulty of life has often been a struggle, I am learning to live and grow through adversity and challenges. I am learning to have joy through it all.

I can't say I know what exactly will happen this next year. I do know it probably won't slow down. My brother is preparing to go on a mission, so there will be changes for my close family. Cozette and I will be moving, which brings uncertainty. I also am not sure what path my career takes.

I just know that I'm grateful for what I have and who I've become. I'm grateful for all I've gone through to become a better man the past 26 years. Now, for another year, I will commit to doing my best to keep growing, learning, and developing into my best self.

The Butterfly Circus

I'm sharing this video without comment, because I feel like it's important for people to watch and draw their own thoughts without outside influence. It's 20 minutes long, but worth at least one watch for the message.

55 Dollars

I was at BYU for five years. I occasionally sold back my textbooks, but usually just forgot and kept them. I spent hundreds, even thousands, of dollars on these books. Five years of schooling, thousands of dollars worth of textbooks, and I finally went to sell back these books that had been laying around.... and I was able to get 55 dollars back. And I'm grateful for those 55 dollars.

This post isn't an anger post. It's a post on widening and changing your perspective, and a little more if you care to read until the end. Sometimes, we make investments that last a long time and take up a lot of our resources. We feel like we're entitled to more, like something else should have come out of it. But.... the fact is... the world doesn't really owe us anything. People don't owe us anything. Everything we give has come willingly out of our own hands. The textbook companies technically don't have to pay anything back for textbooks, it would probably make them more money to keep selling back original copies of the newer editions, and not paying anything for old books. But, they do give something something for it. They give you something back, and with that something you can go buy an ice cream cone or whatever you please, and think about the fact that you were just given a gift. It doesn't matter whether or not the return equals the investment, I want to pose the idea that maybe there's more to it than that.

It relates a lot more than just to textbooks. It relates to every experience you'll ever have where you feel like what you were given fell short of what you put into it. Maybe what you received out of an investment was an experience, but without the ending you really deserved. Maybe you received a lesson, but a lesson that left you in a worse place. Maybe you received some fund that was miserably lower than you gave. You're going to want to be angry, upset that you didn't get what you were owed.

Instead of being upset, use those experiences to guide somebody else. Teach that lesson to somebody who is naive of whatever you learned. Or use those meager funds just to be a little happier. There's going to be a greater good in those 55 dollars if you look for it. But, you need the patience to look beyond and see what you're really getting.

Nearly 2,000 years ago, somebody came to earth who could see beyond that 55 dollar initial return. He could comprehend beyond that. He came to teach a message of hope, of salvation and forgiveness. He came to inform people of a greater truth beyond each of their own meager returns. He spent is whole life teaching people, giving Himself to a great work. And, initially for that, He was beaten. He was humiliated. And He was crucified after suffering every pain imaginable to mortality. It became so difficult that He pondered aloud if it could all just be taken away. And, when it could not, when the initial return had to be what it was, which was a lot of suffering, He declared, "nevertheless not my will, but thine, be done (Luke 22:42)."

As I'm sure you know, this was Jesus Christ. This was our Savior, the man whose initial "55 dollars" didn't seem fair at all, bringing along more suffering than any of us could understand. But, what he was given at first wasn't the end of the story. What came after the lowest initial return in history, after being put through the greatest agony ever given, was also the greatest return in the history of mankind. It was the Resurrection, and along with that the Salvation of mankind. His patience to look past what He could first see made the Greatest Gift possible. Through being willing to accept what was first paid out, He gave us all something far greater. 

Now, the most important message of Easter is that of the Resurrection, and Christ's triumph over death. Even as I write this, I want the reader to remember the more important message that today, Easter, brings. I just want to share this other perspective, as well, so that we can all remember to have patience, and trust the Lord in what He gives us. It may seem like a hard thing, and we may also ponder if the outcome could be different, but the Lord knows what we and others will ultimately gain from whatever we're given. 

As you're pondering the greater messages of Easter, it may be worth it to also broaden your perspective on your current situation, and to remember the Lord's power to multiply what we're initially given into something far greater than we realize. He had the power to turn the greatest agony into the greatest victory. And Christ had the patience and wisdom to understand this was possible. Remember that, no matter how meager your return, your investment won't be lost. It will all pay off if you allow it to. Allow the Lord to show you what your compensation is truly worth. 

The Nature of Panic and Anxiety

I wanted to take the time tonight to write about something very personal to me, something people around me have struggled with for years, and something I've also had some trouble with: it's the topic of panic, or anxiety. It's something that a lot of people, even most people, at one point struggle with, but the topic gets brushed under the rug.... since, quite honestly, the topic is hard to discuss when there's so many theories about how to cure it. I'd like to do my best to relate my own beliefs on the cause and antidote to anxiety.

First, one thing needs to be established: anxiety is based on fear: fear we can't get a job done, fear of doing something we've never done before... even fear of what could happen if the anxiety doesn't go away.... which all too often dissolves into an attack, an attack brought on by the fact that we feel we have lost control. We have lost control of our body, it's no longer in our hands, and there is nothing within our means to stop the ever-progressing meltdown in our heads.

Fear turns to despair, and despair turns to panic. This is how an anxiety attack progresses. By that point, the fear is more a state of alarm and hopelessness. The body no longer believe it can control itself, as the mind has already relinquished control. Eventually, you lose all control.... control of you hands usually goes first as they go numb, followed by your feet, up to your legs and arms, and it slowly progresses throughout your body until all that's left is the limited use of your mouth to talk. Not many people get to this final stage, but that's the progression if it continues in this way. The people who have been there will describe the utter hopelessness that comes to them at this stage, and that they have all but accepted they may not live.

As for the solution, it's much easier to say than to actually practice... the cause of anxiety is fear, and the opposite of fear is hope. The only way to cure anxiety is through a mindset of hope, and a belief in your ability to control your body. The only way to cure anxiety is to pull yourself out of it. I would emphasize that this has to be done by yourself. Nobody else can decide for you that you can control yourself. You can control your breathing, and even through controlling your breathing you can begin to control your heart rate. If you can control those two, then you can control the re-emergence of feeling into your limbs, and then you finally have control over your whole body. But, you have to believe in yourself. You have to believe that you have the power to do these things, and you must trust that nothing else can control your body as well as your own mind. And you are the one responsible for your mind.

It seems that anxiety and depression has become so commonplace today because people no longer feel they are in control of their situations. There has been an attitude emerging that it doesn't matter what we do, it will not be enough in a world where the control rests with the government and the corporate higher-ups. Anxiety is a cultural problem, because the root of it is the more commonly accepted belief that somebody else is in control of our life and situation. Then, it is apparent that the most effective cure for anxiety is simply to wipe out this attitude. We are in control of our lives. We have every right to determine where we go, as we are the ones who decide what we do and how hard we work to reach our goals.... just as we determine how hard we are willing to work to gain control of our bodies and fight the anxiety.

It's my belief that the cure to anxiety is coming to believe that we are in control of ourselves and our situation, and nothing can take that control away from us.

Where I'm Going and Where I've Been

Since that last post on here, life really took off. I moved to a house south of campus and job searched for two months. I found a job at a company that hired me for their call center, hoping I could last long enough to get the promotion they promised to people who stayed and proved they could handle it. I got into a relationship for a few months. I was promoted to the new position I had been hoping for, and spent a little while handling a case load of my own clients and helping them. I've experienced so much over the past 6 months. It feels like it's been so much longer. And I recently was hired at a job which will be much more difficult, most likely, but also will give me much more financial flexibility in my life.

 I've moved past where I was back when I last posted, I've matured more than I ever thought I could in such a short period. I learned lessons that were difficult to learn, but have made me grow up. Working in that call center, every day I walked in and wanted to quit. Nearly every day I was on the verge of quitting, but something kept me there. Something telling me it wasn't about the call center. Something told me that, if I gave up, I was quitting on something much bigger. I was quitting on an opportunity to prove I could do something, to make something out of myself by doing what I thought was impossible. Then, at my next position, it was difficult in different ways. I told people I couldn't do it, that I was definitely going to quit. I said the same things for weeks, but every week I came back. And finally, I got a new job and made it through without quitting.

So, I'm done telling myself I can't do something. I'm done being negative. I'm tired of it. My last post was about how I made it through school when I knew it was impossible. Over the last 5 months, I then made it through two impossible jobs. At this point, I'm convinced I can make it through just about anything. I'm going to do big things with my life. I'm done telling myself anything otherwise. I'm going to succeed at this job, and then I'm going to do something even bigger afterwards. I spent too many years in high school and early college telling myself life was too hard. I'm not going to let myself get into that funk ever again.

I used to think there is a such thing as somebody who just doesn't have it and is doomed to fail. I've come to the opinion that there is no such thing as a weak person. The only weak person is one who has never been tested and forced to be strong. Every person who is forced to be strong is going to eventually realize they were capable of more than they ever thought.

I also think there's a little more to it, that God gives us our most strength in our hardest trials. People were created to overcome their weaknesses and progress. I've been blessed in so many ways I never thought I deserved.

In other words, life has been really good to me. I'm excited to see where it takes me. I'm excited to live this next stage, to get into a real job, eventually start a family and find out how great things will be.

Hard Things

Well, I've finally graduated from BYU. The student loans and exam overnight study sessions are over, and I won't be buying another textbook for a long time. Earning this degree may be the most significant accomplishment of my life. It's been a tough journey for me. Some people think graduating from this school isn't that difficult, and believe you could cruise by and still finish with respectable grades. I didn't have that experience. I had to work for 5 years and accrue a certain amount of loans to get through. It took a lot more strength than I thought I even had, and there were moments I wanted to give up because things seemed so difficult.

However, one day when I was particularly frustrated, I stopped and read a discourse by Jeffrey R. Holland, an Apostle in the LDS Church, titled "However Long and Hard the Road." In that talk, one statement stood out to me... something that granted me determination to continue when I'd nearly decided to give up that semester. The statement read:

"The best things are always worth finishing."

I took this statement and put it on the wall above my bed, to remind myself every day to finish what I'd started. I needed a reminder that, even when things are tough and I don't believe in myself... even when I'm not sure I care... that it would be worth it. That someday I'd look back and remember that I finished something difficult.

I want to encourage anybody reading this to keep going. I know there's likely something you're discouraged about. And I know it's hard and you don't know if it will be worth it. I'm telling you that it will be worth it to finish what you started. Someday, even if the accomplishment feels insignificant... if it's hard for you, you'll look back and remember that you finished something difficult. And it will help you in the future to build on your accomplishments and grow. Don't give up on something great without making every possible attempt to succeed.

There was another, more lengthy statement earlier in Holland's piece, something that might be inspirational to more than just me. He said,

"What if beyond this class or that test, this date or that roommate, this disappointment or that dilemma, you really can see and can hope for all the best and right things that God has to offer? Oh, it may be blurred a bit by the perspiration running into your eyes, and in a really difficult fight one of the eyes might even be closing a bit, but faintly, dimly, and ever so far away you can see the object of it all. And you say it is worth it, you do want it, you will fight on."

Words to live by. 

Link to Elder Holland's article: http://speeches.byu.edu/?act=viewitem&id=873

Happiness

Sometimes, life isn't perfect.

I know that's hard to believe. I know you probably don't want to believe something might not turn out perfectly. But, there is always that chance. So, you have a choice: you can either try to make those things turn out well and risk failing.... like that job you take where you're fired midway through your third week because you just weren't qualified.... Or, you can skip trying and do something easier (though less rewarding) which will definitely work out.... but you'd lose out on three weeks of experience and good pay from some pretty high-end employment.

Which are you going to choose?

I can tell you right now, you might not end up happy either way. You're either getting fired from your job to gain experience or you're getting a job that's going to work out and isn't too hard but is less fulfilling. 

Let's ask the more important question: which of these options is better for you to take?

I only ask this because almost every person reading this blog is going to assume my post will agree with the cliche, and that I'd say pick the first one because it's worth trying for and it's better to have at least tried.

However, I'm just not sure that's true. 

The entire point I really want to convey to anybody who reads this is that neither of those choices is actually better. It doesn't matter whether you're ultimately getting more experience for a higher paying job or if you're in a low-paying job that gets you can keep the rest of the life. It's possible neither of them will make you happy. But, you also have to realize it's entirely possible that you could be happy in both of them. It's possible to be happy working in fast food and flipping burgers for some people. You can find satisfaction in that. It's also possible to be happy working a different job every two weeks where each one gives you a little bit more experience than the last and maybe you end up with something great down the line.

My point is for people to slow down a little bit and ask what would make them the happiest. Not what other people think would make them happy or what society says makes you happy. Society says you have to go for the higher-end paying job because it's good to ascend up the career ladder even if you hate it. I would say that you can keep the lower-end job if you want and it will make you neither less of a person nor less accomplished. What if you like flipping burgers? Then.... go flip some burgers! Don't over-think your own happiness chasing an eventual prize which may or may not be there. But, if that prize is really going to be what makes you content, then go chase it and don't stop until you've caught it, or gotten as close as you could.

If you want to find happiness, you have to ask yourself what you really want. It's different for every person. Don't let somebody else tell you differently. Don't let yourself tell you differently. Find out what's the best for you. If you're in a bad situation or doing something you don't like, you have a choice to either find happiness in your current one or find it in a different situation. One might be easier than the other for different people, but it's possible either one is good. 

You have so many choices, so many different ways that could all lead to something. Don't become burdened down by too many choices of what might be great if great is right in front of you.

I'm still trying to figure out how to do all of these things and don't exactly have myself figured out quite yet. This is something I'm really trying to come to grips with as I look for a job in the world after college. Hopefully the thought helps somebody who's struggling to find the right direction. And hopefully I can find the right path along with everybody else. I'm sure we'll all end up in one place, regardless. Let's make it a place we're glad to be in.

Why I Started This Blog

There was this girl.

That's how most stories start out, isn't it? Well, that's how this one begins.

I had been talking to her in one of my classes about three years ago, and she was really cool. I wasn't sure how she felt about me, but I realized she had started a blog after seeing something she had posted on Facebook. So, I went to read some of her posts.

After reading through a little bit, the gears began turning in my head and I thought maybe one way to get her to like me would be to get my own blog and see if she read it. Well, things with that girl never quite worked out out, but now I have this blog and have done quite a bit with it. So there's at least one good thing that came from that story.

But, now I have this blog and never even post anymore. I'm trying to think of more good things to post about here. I initially wanted it just to write about my own thoughts about life and make it something like a journal that other people could read. And then I realized that was boring, so started to try and find more insightful things to talk about. And then I wanted to be funny.... which I am really, really funny but I run out of ideas. So I haven't posted much in a while.

I graduate from college in about a month now, so I think it might finally be time for me to start writing here again as I move down a new road. I'm a little uncertain where I'll go when I'm done with college, but I'll make sure to keep my followers updated as often as I can.

Anyway, I'll post more updates again soon when I can have time to write about everything. There's a lot going on in my life lately, so expect a long post coming.

Later

February Update

So, here's what's happening right now:

I have two semesters left before I can finally graduate from BYU. Just two, assuming that I pass all my classes this semester and then find an internship which takes enough credit hours in the Summer. If all goes right, I will graduate in August. That is not very far away, but it feels like a long journey right now with everything I have ahead of me.

I've been having a difficult time staying concentrated. So many things seem intent on distracting me and trying to get me down. I don't know how to deal with everything, sometimes it's harder than most people would think to manage stress. I'm trying not to look at the future, to just look at the now and focus on getting through today. But, that mindset can only go so far when you have to account for living beyond graduation and paying off loans, etc. The future seems so daunting. I want it to turn out well, but sometimes it all just feels out of control. This semester is more difficult than I thought it would be. I tried just filling out my schedule with easier classes.... but it turns out most of those classes are actually pretty hard. haha that seems to happen a lot. I think I can pass them all, just need to work at it.

I have a job, though I will have to find a new one once I'm done at BYU. I work at the BYU Bindery. Basically, I coil, bind and box a lot of books that go to the bookstore of other Church locations. It sounds like monotonous work, but it's really not so bad. I get to listen to the radio or music, or whatever else I can put on my ipod while I'm working. It doesn't require too much thinking, and I've gotten relatively good at what I do. I've also made friends there and it's been one of the few places where I have people to talk with for a while, which is nice.

Dating: I've been on some dates this semester. Can't say there's been any bad ones, they've all been really good. I don't really know what else to say about it. haha I don't want to specifically mention anything I want or anybody I've been thinking about lately. that seems like bad blogging.

A lot of my friends have been having difficulty lately with various things. I've been trying to help them all solve their problems. I really wish there was a better way I could help everybody. I see so many people having trouble and going through hard things, I want to give them some hope or inspiration somehow. I feel like that might be one of my purposes in life is to be somebody who's there for other people when they need it. I'm working on a short story which might help inspire some people and give a better perspective on life. It will likely be on this blog when I'm finished writing it. It's not really that short I guess, but I feel like it will be a worthwhile read.

Anyway, that's about all I got as far as updates for now. I could probably post a lot more, but I'd rather post about other stuff on here than my own autobiography. So, I will probably put out more stuff in the future. Just thoughts I have, I want to make this blog worth reading eventually.

Later!

Losing the Game

So, playing the dating game has been rough lately. I really don't want it to seem like I'm just trying to get attention..... but wow, this has been a tough stretch.

Three weekends ago, I thought I had a date with a girl on a Saturday night when I got back to Provo from the break. I texted the girl that morning to make sure we were still on. She was hanging out with a friend instead and would not be able to. That was okay, so I told her we might be able to do something the next night. She was okay with that and said she would let me know as long as she was not hanging with her family that night. Never heard from her, found out on Facebook she had been with her roommates that Sunday night, but I didn't care too much. Not a huge deal. I still had a date planned out for Tuesday with a different girl.

The next girl soon said Tuesday would be bad..... but, Saturday would be good! So, we planned on that and didn't talk much the next few days. I texted her the day before (Friday) to make sure things were still okay, just like I had with the girl the previous weekend..... but, it turned out she was going to be babysitting..... even though she had already agreed to Saturday. But, that was okay. I could rebound. Two weekends of bad dating in a row could not possibly turn into three

I talked with another girl for a little while that week, said we should hang out the next weekend and do something. She agreed and said it would be fun. I knew it would probably be on Friday since she had told me she would be free that day most likely. So, that week I tried to clarify that we could do something on Friday, but she was going to be hanging out with her friend that night who she hadn't seen for a while, and her work party was on Saturday night. We then tried to plan for Monday, but I didn't hear back from her about it and I couldn't quite muster the enthusiasm to follow up after so many dates getting turned around. Instead, I went to St. George and had a good weekend with the family. Never heard from that girl to even check up on if we were still on for Monday. Maybe I should have been the one to say something, I might have been wrong there. We had never set up a time, though, so I really thought she would care more about it and at least try to see about it. I don't know what was up there, that was probably partly my fault.

So, maybe I deserved what happened next. The Friday before when this third fallen-throught date was supposed to take place, I was getting vibes that the girl probably wasn't interested..... so I scheduled a date with a different girl who I thought there would be some potential with. And, it seemed like I was right. This girl showed lots of interest on the date. She flirted, initiated lots of contact, purposefully cuddled with me later, and held my hand while leaning against my shoulder. Seemed interested. Four days later, earlier this week, I said it was fun and we should try for a second date, but she said she wasn't interested....... and I guess I must be doing something wrong.

This has been a lot of bad luck in just three weeks. I know we're supposed to be dating a lot..... but I'm not sure how much longer I can keep going. It seems entirely possible most girls just don't want to date me. Maybe there's not much more I can do. I'm not sure. I have a date planned for this weekend with a girl who actually asked me out, so that one might go a little better. I'm just exhausted right now. I am trying really hard. I really am. We'll see what happens. All I know is I just want something to go right. My life doesn't seem to have much direction, and I don't know what I'm doing or where I'm headed really.

It's going to get better. Just need to have some faith. And I need to believe that when I say it. Right now, I'm having a really hard time believing myself.

Blue Wizard of Oz

Sometimes, I use this blog to post about my annoyances. Tonight, I definitely had one.

I went into the rec room at about 10 to watch the second half of the Denver Nuggets game. Seemed like it would be a good idea. When I walked in, the TV on the bottom floor was occupied, but there was still the one on the balcony. So, sure, why not, I'll just go watch that one. On my way up, I look at the TV, and I see that the people are watching a comedic version of Wizard of Oz where everybody has blue skin. That was okay, I thought, maybe I'd be able to overhear it and catch a few laughs during the game.

Well no, to my unfortunate realization, this version of Wizard of Oz they were watching was done in complete seriousness. I was astonished to think anybody would even THINK of making this version of the play into reality.

 For the next hour and a half, I sat there and endured one of the most miserable performances of a hit musical I think I have ever seen. The fact that they all had blue skin was bad enough, and didn't make any sense. This isn't Smurfs, or Avatar for that matter. And isn't Oz supposed to be a green city, anyway? Awesome choice. Just great.

Then, there were the random musical numbers thrown in haphazardly, which seemed to have nothing to do with the plot. For instance, soon after Dorothy was kidnapped by the witch, I hear this jazzy piece where everybody's happy and dancing all over the stage like they had just won the Lottery of Oz. Then, it's back to the forest where they're fighting the flying monkeys. Somebody tell me that makes sense somehow. Please, I would love to hear how. By the final number, Dorothy's voice was so tired out and out of key that the game was hardly even enjoyable anymore.

Whoever was being made to watch that video must have had a very cute girlfriend. I think that might be the ONLY way I'd end up subjecting myself to that, unless it was between that or death. And even then the choice would be a toughie.

The fact that the Nuggets were losing the whole time made me seriously regret going to watch the game in there. I walked out of the rec room wondering what the world was coming to tonight.

Also, Christmas music playing nonstop on the radio since November 1....... Really?

I love most everything about Provo, but 2 straight months of Christmas music and blue wizard of oz plays being watched in glenwood apartments make me wonder about this town's sanity sometimes.

Success Stories

"The difference between a successful person and others is not a lack of strength, not a lack of knowledge, but rather a lack of will." - Vince Lombardi

Yes, this post does have to do with sports, but that's not what it's actually about. I promise I have something interesting to say if you keep reading.

Tonight, I was watching a little bit of baseball in the background and saw that the Saint Louis Cardinals came back from a 6-0 deficit in game 5 to win and advance to the next round. They were down 2 runs and to their last out, but ended up winning by 2, anyway, on one of the best comebacks I've ever seen.

If you're not familiar with this team's story, they just won the World Series last year. After that, their manager, one of the best managers of all time, decided to retire and leave the team scrambling for somebody to replace him. On top of that, their best hitter, Albert Pujols, one of the greatest hitters of all time and the team's clear leader, decided he wanted more money, and so he left them to go to the Los Angeles Angels.

They were left without a leader. They were left without a manager. The competition was getting better and they were seemingly getting worse. But, somehow, even with all the background noise going on, the Cardinals found a way to win. They didn't fall apart when it looked like things weren't going their way.

I hate being preachy when I'm blogging. It seems cheesy and fake to me. But, I do think there's something to be learned from a team that doesn't give up after seemingly falling apart. I think we fail to realize that our success is not indefinitely tied to our circumstances.

 It's possible to do just as much with less if you put in more work than those who are supposed to be better than you. It is possible, I promise. I know of a kid who wasn't considered to be the thinnest, strongest, or the coolest person in his school. Supposedly, he wasn't supposed to be able to be any of that. But, then he started to run everyday. He started to push himself, to lift weights. He tried out for the football team, joined the basketball team, and worked harder than just about every single person his age. What happened between then and now? He became one of the best football players on his team, one of the best basketball players on his team, and is the third best runner on his varsity cross country team in only his second year of high after sitting out most the first year with an injury. He had people tell him he couldn't do it, they laughed at him, but didn't let that affect him. He willed himself to be successful.

If you find that you've just lost the best manager and hitter in the league and you're struggling just to stay afloat, or if things somehow get bad enough that your girlfriend breaks up with you, you lose your job, and you fail three tests in the same week, you don't have to be affected by it. Things will get better for you. I promise. Just keep working hard and doing everything you can to better your situation. You may not have the success equal to being the best team in baseball, but you can and will make yourself successful if you want it and work hard enough for it.

Thanks for reading, I appreciate all your support and will try harder to keep up with this blog better than I have been.

I would recommend taking a few minutes to watch this video if you can. Probably one of the most inspirational videos I've seen.

Talking With Children and Small Compliments

Have you ever worked with young kids who think, since you're an adult, you know and can do everything and anything they need? Sometimes, even when there's nothing you could do, they insist that you fix their problem. Since you're an adult and know a lot more than them, you're supposed to know everything. The possibility that you might not is almost unfathomable. Talking with young children is, essentially, what I do for a living now. 

The job I've been working lately has not been the easiest job I've ever had, for sure. I work at a call center called Vivint doing tech support. In other words, customers call in and need me to fix something for them. They're a lot like children, since they think you must know all the answers and can fix every conceivable problem. And they're not always in the most patient or happy of moods, since it's usually the case that their alarm system has been malfunctioning somehow or their service has not been good. Every day, there's a lot I have to deal with. Sometimes I wish I could just tell them there's nothing I can do and walk away. But yeah, I'd probably get fired for that one. haha

However, yesterday actually ended up being pretty good. It wasn't anything that happened during most the day, the shift was mostly just normal. But, at the end of the night, right when I was exhausted and about to go home, somebody else called in to my phone line. At this point, I was pretty unhappy that I couldn't leave and didn't want to answer the call. If I answered it, that meant I'd get out late, and I really just wanted to be done. 

I ended up being surprised. The individual calling in wasn't happy with his situation, he had been having continual troubles with the system and didn't know what to do. In fact, he seemed to understand that I was having trouble helping him. And yet, while on the call, he actually became happier. He said that I was the nicest person he had ever talked to about his security system, that he was about ready to have it taken out if he didn't get somebody friendly this time. It wasn't necessarily that I was the best, it was just that he said it seemed like I actually cared and wanted to help him. 

That last call made my week, since it was the first time at this job that I actually felt successful. I'd never felt confident that I could even be competent working at the call center, and I was given just a little bit of hope last night. If you ever get the chance to give somebody a small compliment, you might be surprised at the effect it could have. In this case, it made the difference to where I went home in a good mood and felt good about my work for the first time since I started there.

The best thing about talking with small children and customers is that, once in a while, even when you don't feel that you're good enough to anybody else, they can give you the confidence to feel that you're great at what you do. 

90 Degrees And Still Going

It's hot here in Provo. I decided to go for a run tonight, and once I decide that means I'm going to do it. I'm really stubborn to the point that I follow through with just about everything I decide on, even if it's gonna be miserable.

Well, funny story..... right after I decided to go on a run, I walked outside and found out it was incredibly hot still!  My first thought was, "Man, Provo really sucks." I mean, you'd think it would be a bit cooler out by 8 at night, but apparently not. I looked at a sign a few minutes into my run and saw it was still 90 degrees..... So, just in case you were wondering, you're not gonna go for a nice cool run here during the Summer. haha

I do have somewhere I'm going with this. Yeah, running can be miserable sometimes. But, what makes it less miserable, what really makes it so you can keep your pace and go on, is your attitude about it. If you're wondering the secret to running, it has very little to do with being athletic or having a runner's body. That has a little to do with it, but it's mostly just what you think about while you're going. You HAVE to keep positive. The minute you start getting frustrated or think about how much you hate it, that's when you start to notice that it's hot out, that you're tired, your feet hurt, you're getting cramps. The only way to be a good runner is to be an optimist. Instead of noticing what hurts or what's not going well, you think about keeping up a good pace, the pretty view at the top of the hill you're climbing, how happy you're gonna be to finish the run, or what's waiting for you when you're done.

Why do I bring this up? It's might sound dumb, but it's something simple so many people don't realize. It doesn't just apply to running. I blogged last time about finding something meaningful in life. But, when I think about it, none of this is going to matter unless you have the right attitude. If you don't think you're going to be happy, then you're not! It's just not going to happen. The only way to enjoy your life, to feel good about yourself, is to decide that you're going to. You can always find something to be miserable about, but ALL that it is going to do is MAKE you miserable and slow you down.

Just like when you're running, a bad attitude will do absolutely nothing else for you besides making you sad. You start to notice that maybe you don't have as many friends as you want, that you don't look as good as you like, that you're stressed out, or even that you're just not the person you want to be. Even if any of it's true, thinking about it gets you nowhere. Thinking about how you're going to make things better and the view "at the top of the hill" you're climbing is going to make you feel better, and you'll be happier about where you are.

I can promise you that having a good attitude about where you are and keeping away from negatives thoughts WILL make you happy, whether you're running a marathon or trying to get through a day working at McDonald's. I can also promise you that, as long as you think the view from the top of the hill is going to be amazing, it really will be.

This is a huge part of my philosophy on life, and I hope maybe something I've written can help at least one person. 

Finding Meaning

I really don't have enough time to write a blog post right now. I've been pretty busy with work lately and training to do much of anything else.

But, tonight I was running and thinking a lot about life and how many people aren't happy. It just seems like a  lot of people really don't care about anything they're doing. And, I feel like sometimes I need to write about something important. Something people actually might need to hear.

If I was to tell everybody something, something regardless of where they're from or who they want to be.... I'd say find something that you value. Find something that means something to you, and pursue it. Don't go around life wondering what you're gonna do, continuing to follow what you think other people want of you. That's not gonna make you happy, listening to everybody else, following the crowd, looking at what the person next to you wants and not even asking what you value.

Spend some time thinking about it. Find what you want to be and what means something to you. It's just sad to me seeing so many people who don't have anything important to them, with very little purpose to their life or any real goals. They seem so sad. And, I don't think anybody deserves anything else than to be truly happy.

I've found a lot of meaning to my life and feel like I'm relatively happy right now. I really hope everybody who reads this can find a way to do the same.

P.S. If you're ever unsure of a direction to go, I would love to share with you what's been able to help me. Click on the link I posted labeled "my faith," or just ask me anytime.

Sleep?

Some people sleep at night. Most people sleep at night. That's usually not me. I'm typically the person who sleeps during the day and stays awake most the night. It's been this way most my life.

When I was 2, I still remember being awake in my crib at night scared to death while unable to sleep. I'd sit there and wonder what was out in the dark while I was trapped in a cage.

At 5, I played around my room at night sometimes while my parents and family were in bed. I didn't know why people wanted to sleep so badly while I just wanted to have fun.

By the time I was 9, I just played video games at night when I couldn't sleep. Like most boys my age, I was pretty much obsessed with the video game systems I owned, so I enjoyed not sleeping. I was in school, so I got enough sleep to function..... just usually not as much as everybody else.

When I was 15, my life was completely crazy and I was often up doing homework until late at night. I was determined to get the grades needed to be accepted into BYU, so I could actually use the time I spent awake being productive and getting things done. Being something of an insomniac helped as much as it hurt. I definitely was exhausted during school most days and wanted to go home and sleep.

Three years later, at 18, I was a freshman in college, and felt like I was 9 again. Staying up late was fun again, since there were so many people up and everybody was always doing something. Every once in a while, I'd pull an all-nighter to work on a paper or get studying done, but it was mostly just fun.

Fast forward to now. I'm 22, and I only have about a year left in college. Sleeplessness has become a bit more of a real obstacle with actually having to work and be more responsible for my finances and life. I've been able to dodge it a little bit by working later hours, but it can't go on forever. Soon enough, I really will have to learn how to sleep at night and function during the day. I think the time in my life has finally come where I have to undertake that task and grow up a little bit.

I'm not sure how I will start sleeping after a whole life of relatively sleepless nights..... I'm going to try and figure it out, though.

Living Off Cereal and Sandwiches

I went grocery shopping tonight. Just about every time I've gone grocery shopping for about the past three years, I've bought the same exact things. Tonight wasn't much different. I wasn't sure what else to buy, so I just went ahead and bought cereal, milk, apple juice, and canned fruit. The canned fruit was a bit different, I don't usually even get that creative. Haha I'm just not very original at shopping I guess, and I've found what I like. For the past three years, the list has almost always included:

Milk

Eggs

Cereal

Apple Juice (or, sometimes, a different type of juice to mix it up a bit)

Macaroni and Cheese

Hamburger Helper

Hamburger

Grapes

Oatmeal

Bread

Lunch Meat

Sliced Cheese

Sometimes, like tonight I might buy something extra. Usually, though, if I think about getting something else, I'll sit there for about five minutes and wonder what else I really need. I'll usually be too indecisive to make a decision quickly, and grocery shopping takes way too long. So, I've just gone with just about the same things every time.

 The more I think about it, the more I realize how weird this is. I don't know how I'm still alive. haha I guess my parents help me with food once in a while, so that keeps me going sometimes. I really am just living off pretty much cereal and sandwiches.

Honestly, I don't think this changes much until I get married. I've somehow kept myself living, so I guess it works. 

"Please Walk Instead of Run"

Today, I was working at Dippin' Dots in Seven Peaks scooping ice cream for people.

It's not such a bad job: you really just sit inside a small, air-conditioned shack and scoop ice cream for several hours. Honestly, sitting in an air-conditioned room for my job helping people is much better than sitting in a hot apartment all day while bored to death.

Anyway, I heard something I thought was really funny while I was running an errand. These two kids go running past me carrying a 2-seater tube and one of them yells out, "I don't care about that sign that says please walk instead of run!" Then, they just continue running on their way to wherever they were going.

I wasn't even sure what to take from this. The kid had basically just yelled out to everybody he didn't want to follow the rules. It just seemed so pointless. Honestly, it seems like such a simple thing, but I feel like it's an attitude which has infected our entire American culture. It's not unusual for people to blatantly disregard rules and announce to the whole world that what they are doing is blatant. Disregarding rules for the sake of showing your individuality and rebelliousness is something people commonly do because it seems like the cool thing to do. Ironically, by doing that, it seems they are actually just following a new norm of rebellious behavior, thus, going completely against their own intentions.

I recently saw a discussion on Facebook about whether it's okay to avoid saying the pledge of allegiance with everybody else. Isn't this the same argument? It's usually just somebody refusing to stand since they don't want to be like everybody else and want to show freedom of speech. Why would it be okay not to stand during the Pledge? What is the importance of freedom of speech if it's not something we're even willing to stand and support. Maybe if you're from another country, I'm not quite sure about that. However, it just doesn't make sense to me that so many people choose to do something for the sake of rebelling.

I'm fascinated by this point of view, nevertheless. Maybe somebody else could provide a better commentary than I do, I just sometimes wonder about the attitude our culture has taken toward blatant rebellion.

Wedding Reception

The other day, I was able to go to the wedding reception for my good friends Scott Richey and Chelsea Dahl.

It was a really good experience, especially since I've known them both for a long time and they were each really deserving of something great to happen in their lives. I don't usually go out and dance at things like this, but I actually did this time after some convincing.

Anyway, this post is a shout-out to them, wishing them a happy marriage and a great life together. I'm grateful to have had both of them as friends these past few years

Year In Review

Today's my birthday, and I'm officially 22 years old. I've been thinking tonight, and realized I'm not actually sure what I've done for the past year. I'm not really sure I've actually accomplished much. Maybe I have, though. I mean, I could probably list at least a few things that I did which weren't a complete waste of time and were a good experience for me:

• Ran a half marathon. This was a pretty big one. I actually had to train for several months to get to the point where running a long distance like this one wasn't too difficult. I'm just glad I finished it. 
• Had my first kiss. It took 21 years, but it did come.
• Finally got another job.
• Moved out of Centennial Apartments and into Glenwood. It was a really tough decision for me to initiate change and move into a new place, but I feel like it's also helped me to grow and realize I can make new friends and adapt. I've even joined a dinner group over here and made a few friends. I don't know what's going to happen, but I'm glad to have a new experience.
• Drove a boat for the first time. It was down in Monterey Bay, California. Quite the interesting experience, too. haha the boat broke down for a bit in the middle of the ocean and we started sinking, while I was feeling really seasick most of the time. We did make it out safely, and I was able to drive the boat for a while and feel like a captain. So, maybe it wasn't too bad. 
• Got to be one of the groomsmen at my roommate's wedding. That was a really good experience and I'm really happy for them.
• Got to help film and be in two different short films, one of which won Best Picture at the Ward Oscar Night. It was basically just a good time our church ward had to make movies and show them to each other. That was a lot of fun. The first was called Brother Husbands, pretty much just a parody of the show Sister Wives, and the other one that won was called Sardines, about a group of kids playing Sardines in a building and slowly being caught by a guy in a mask. That was a lot of fun.
• Had my own personal trainer for a couple months and actually got a bit stronger. My friend offered it to me for free since she was trying to improve her training abilities, and those were the toughest workouts I've probably ever had. haha
• Stayed up all night on more than one occasion, talking to a girl I really liked and who really liked me. Those were some of the best conversations I've had, and it was a really good experience.
• Attempted the cinnamon challenge for the first time and completely failed within seconds. That was a really awful experience that made me hate cinnamon for a while, it'll be a while before I try again. haha
• Drank Yerba Mate for the first time. It was actually really good. Thought I would hate it.  
• Went to the world record largest game of dodgeball ever played. BYU and Utah put it on between the two schools, but people didn't really follow the rules and it was really chaotic. Still, kind of a fun time. 
• Had dreams about Disneyland all the time. I don't know what inspired all those, but it's just been a dream I've periodically had is about me going there and having fun. Guess I need to go sometime soon. haha
• Volunteered at the Utah State hospital and had a great experience working with the patients there.
• Read through all the epistles in the New Testament and learned a lot from reading them.

There's been a lot more I've actually done, but I feel like these are some of the ones that stand out. I've really done a lot more this year than I had, though. Looking forward to the future and seeing what comes next. I'm glad to have had so many good experiences. Thanks to everybody who's been around this year. 

Now, let's see what I can do in the next year.