Losing the Game

So, playing the dating game has been rough lately. I really don't want it to seem like I'm just trying to get attention..... but wow, this has been a tough stretch.

Three weekends ago, I thought I had a date with a girl on a Saturday night when I got back to Provo from the break. I texted the girl that morning to make sure we were still on. She was hanging out with a friend instead and would not be able to. That was okay, so I told her we might be able to do something the next night. She was okay with that and said she would let me know as long as she was not hanging with her family that night. Never heard from her, found out on Facebook she had been with her roommates that Sunday night, but I didn't care too much. Not a huge deal. I still had a date planned out for Tuesday with a different girl.

The next girl soon said Tuesday would be bad..... but, Saturday would be good! So, we planned on that and didn't talk much the next few days. I texted her the day before (Friday) to make sure things were still okay, just like I had with the girl the previous weekend..... but, it turned out she was going to be babysitting..... even though she had already agreed to Saturday. But, that was okay. I could rebound. Two weekends of bad dating in a row could not possibly turn into three

I talked with another girl for a little while that week, said we should hang out the next weekend and do something. She agreed and said it would be fun. I knew it would probably be on Friday since she had told me she would be free that day most likely. So, that week I tried to clarify that we could do something on Friday, but she was going to be hanging out with her friend that night who she hadn't seen for a while, and her work party was on Saturday night. We then tried to plan for Monday, but I didn't hear back from her about it and I couldn't quite muster the enthusiasm to follow up after so many dates getting turned around. Instead, I went to St. George and had a good weekend with the family. Never heard from that girl to even check up on if we were still on for Monday. Maybe I should have been the one to say something, I might have been wrong there. We had never set up a time, though, so I really thought she would care more about it and at least try to see about it. I don't know what was up there, that was probably partly my fault.

So, maybe I deserved what happened next. The Friday before when this third fallen-throught date was supposed to take place, I was getting vibes that the girl probably wasn't interested..... so I scheduled a date with a different girl who I thought there would be some potential with. And, it seemed like I was right. This girl showed lots of interest on the date. She flirted, initiated lots of contact, purposefully cuddled with me later, and held my hand while leaning against my shoulder. Seemed interested. Four days later, earlier this week, I said it was fun and we should try for a second date, but she said she wasn't interested....... and I guess I must be doing something wrong.

This has been a lot of bad luck in just three weeks. I know we're supposed to be dating a lot..... but I'm not sure how much longer I can keep going. It seems entirely possible most girls just don't want to date me. Maybe there's not much more I can do. I'm not sure. I have a date planned for this weekend with a girl who actually asked me out, so that one might go a little better. I'm just exhausted right now. I am trying really hard. I really am. We'll see what happens. All I know is I just want something to go right. My life doesn't seem to have much direction, and I don't know what I'm doing or where I'm headed really.

It's going to get better. Just need to have some faith. And I need to believe that when I say it. Right now, I'm having a really hard time believing myself.