Hard Things

Well, I've finally graduated from BYU. The student loans and exam overnight study sessions are over, and I won't be buying another textbook for a long time. Earning this degree may be the most significant accomplishment of my life. It's been a tough journey for me. Some people think graduating from this school isn't that difficult, and believe you could cruise by and still finish with respectable grades. I didn't have that experience. I had to work for 5 years and accrue a certain amount of loans to get through. It took a lot more strength than I thought I even had, and there were moments I wanted to give up because things seemed so difficult.

However, one day when I was particularly frustrated, I stopped and read a discourse by Jeffrey R. Holland, an Apostle in the LDS Church, titled "However Long and Hard the Road." In that talk, one statement stood out to me... something that granted me determination to continue when I'd nearly decided to give up that semester. The statement read:

"The best things are always worth finishing."

I took this statement and put it on the wall above my bed, to remind myself every day to finish what I'd started. I needed a reminder that, even when things are tough and I don't believe in myself... even when I'm not sure I care... that it would be worth it. That someday I'd look back and remember that I finished something difficult.

I want to encourage anybody reading this to keep going. I know there's likely something you're discouraged about. And I know it's hard and you don't know if it will be worth it. I'm telling you that it will be worth it to finish what you started. Someday, even if the accomplishment feels insignificant... if it's hard for you, you'll look back and remember that you finished something difficult. And it will help you in the future to build on your accomplishments and grow. Don't give up on something great without making every possible attempt to succeed.

There was another, more lengthy statement earlier in Holland's piece, something that might be inspirational to more than just me. He said,

"What if beyond this class or that test, this date or that roommate, this disappointment or that dilemma, you really can see and can hope for all the best and right things that God has to offer? Oh, it may be blurred a bit by the perspiration running into your eyes, and in a really difficult fight one of the eyes might even be closing a bit, but faintly, dimly, and ever so far away you can see the object of it all. And you say it is worth it, you do want it, you will fight on."

Words to live by. 

Link to Elder Holland's article: http://speeches.byu.edu/?act=viewitem&id=873

Happiness

Sometimes, life isn't perfect.

I know that's hard to believe. I know you probably don't want to believe something might not turn out perfectly. But, there is always that chance. So, you have a choice: you can either try to make those things turn out well and risk failing.... like that job you take where you're fired midway through your third week because you just weren't qualified.... Or, you can skip trying and do something easier (though less rewarding) which will definitely work out.... but you'd lose out on three weeks of experience and good pay from some pretty high-end employment.

Which are you going to choose?

I can tell you right now, you might not end up happy either way. You're either getting fired from your job to gain experience or you're getting a job that's going to work out and isn't too hard but is less fulfilling. 

Let's ask the more important question: which of these options is better for you to take?

I only ask this because almost every person reading this blog is going to assume my post will agree with the cliche, and that I'd say pick the first one because it's worth trying for and it's better to have at least tried.

However, I'm just not sure that's true. 

The entire point I really want to convey to anybody who reads this is that neither of those choices is actually better. It doesn't matter whether you're ultimately getting more experience for a higher paying job or if you're in a low-paying job that gets you can keep the rest of the life. It's possible neither of them will make you happy. But, you also have to realize it's entirely possible that you could be happy in both of them. It's possible to be happy working in fast food and flipping burgers for some people. You can find satisfaction in that. It's also possible to be happy working a different job every two weeks where each one gives you a little bit more experience than the last and maybe you end up with something great down the line.

My point is for people to slow down a little bit and ask what would make them the happiest. Not what other people think would make them happy or what society says makes you happy. Society says you have to go for the higher-end paying job because it's good to ascend up the career ladder even if you hate it. I would say that you can keep the lower-end job if you want and it will make you neither less of a person nor less accomplished. What if you like flipping burgers? Then.... go flip some burgers! Don't over-think your own happiness chasing an eventual prize which may or may not be there. But, if that prize is really going to be what makes you content, then go chase it and don't stop until you've caught it, or gotten as close as you could.

If you want to find happiness, you have to ask yourself what you really want. It's different for every person. Don't let somebody else tell you differently. Don't let yourself tell you differently. Find out what's the best for you. If you're in a bad situation or doing something you don't like, you have a choice to either find happiness in your current one or find it in a different situation. One might be easier than the other for different people, but it's possible either one is good. 

You have so many choices, so many different ways that could all lead to something. Don't become burdened down by too many choices of what might be great if great is right in front of you.

I'm still trying to figure out how to do all of these things and don't exactly have myself figured out quite yet. This is something I'm really trying to come to grips with as I look for a job in the world after college. Hopefully the thought helps somebody who's struggling to find the right direction. And hopefully I can find the right path along with everybody else. I'm sure we'll all end up in one place, regardless. Let's make it a place we're glad to be in.

Why I Started This Blog

There was this girl.

That's how most stories start out, isn't it? Well, that's how this one begins.

I had been talking to her in one of my classes about three years ago, and she was really cool. I wasn't sure how she felt about me, but I realized she had started a blog after seeing something she had posted on Facebook. So, I went to read some of her posts.

After reading through a little bit, the gears began turning in my head and I thought maybe one way to get her to like me would be to get my own blog and see if she read it. Well, things with that girl never quite worked out out, but now I have this blog and have done quite a bit with it. So there's at least one good thing that came from that story.

But, now I have this blog and never even post anymore. I'm trying to think of more good things to post about here. I initially wanted it just to write about my own thoughts about life and make it something like a journal that other people could read. And then I realized that was boring, so started to try and find more insightful things to talk about. And then I wanted to be funny.... which I am really, really funny but I run out of ideas. So I haven't posted much in a while.

I graduate from college in about a month now, so I think it might finally be time for me to start writing here again as I move down a new road. I'm a little uncertain where I'll go when I'm done with college, but I'll make sure to keep my followers updated as often as I can.

Anyway, I'll post more updates again soon when I can have time to write about everything. There's a lot going on in my life lately, so expect a long post coming.

Later

February Update

So, here's what's happening right now:

I have two semesters left before I can finally graduate from BYU. Just two, assuming that I pass all my classes this semester and then find an internship which takes enough credit hours in the Summer. If all goes right, I will graduate in August. That is not very far away, but it feels like a long journey right now with everything I have ahead of me.

I've been having a difficult time staying concentrated. So many things seem intent on distracting me and trying to get me down. I don't know how to deal with everything, sometimes it's harder than most people would think to manage stress. I'm trying not to look at the future, to just look at the now and focus on getting through today. But, that mindset can only go so far when you have to account for living beyond graduation and paying off loans, etc. The future seems so daunting. I want it to turn out well, but sometimes it all just feels out of control. This semester is more difficult than I thought it would be. I tried just filling out my schedule with easier classes.... but it turns out most of those classes are actually pretty hard. haha that seems to happen a lot. I think I can pass them all, just need to work at it.

I have a job, though I will have to find a new one once I'm done at BYU. I work at the BYU Bindery. Basically, I coil, bind and box a lot of books that go to the bookstore of other Church locations. It sounds like monotonous work, but it's really not so bad. I get to listen to the radio or music, or whatever else I can put on my ipod while I'm working. It doesn't require too much thinking, and I've gotten relatively good at what I do. I've also made friends there and it's been one of the few places where I have people to talk with for a while, which is nice.

Dating: I've been on some dates this semester. Can't say there's been any bad ones, they've all been really good. I don't really know what else to say about it. haha I don't want to specifically mention anything I want or anybody I've been thinking about lately. that seems like bad blogging.

A lot of my friends have been having difficulty lately with various things. I've been trying to help them all solve their problems. I really wish there was a better way I could help everybody. I see so many people having trouble and going through hard things, I want to give them some hope or inspiration somehow. I feel like that might be one of my purposes in life is to be somebody who's there for other people when they need it. I'm working on a short story which might help inspire some people and give a better perspective on life. It will likely be on this blog when I'm finished writing it. It's not really that short I guess, but I feel like it will be a worthwhile read.

Anyway, that's about all I got as far as updates for now. I could probably post a lot more, but I'd rather post about other stuff on here than my own autobiography. So, I will probably put out more stuff in the future. Just thoughts I have, I want to make this blog worth reading eventually.

Later!

Losing the Game

So, playing the dating game has been rough lately. I really don't want it to seem like I'm just trying to get attention..... but wow, this has been a tough stretch.

Three weekends ago, I thought I had a date with a girl on a Saturday night when I got back to Provo from the break. I texted the girl that morning to make sure we were still on. She was hanging out with a friend instead and would not be able to. That was okay, so I told her we might be able to do something the next night. She was okay with that and said she would let me know as long as she was not hanging with her family that night. Never heard from her, found out on Facebook she had been with her roommates that Sunday night, but I didn't care too much. Not a huge deal. I still had a date planned out for Tuesday with a different girl.

The next girl soon said Tuesday would be bad..... but, Saturday would be good! So, we planned on that and didn't talk much the next few days. I texted her the day before (Friday) to make sure things were still okay, just like I had with the girl the previous weekend..... but, it turned out she was going to be babysitting..... even though she had already agreed to Saturday. But, that was okay. I could rebound. Two weekends of bad dating in a row could not possibly turn into three

I talked with another girl for a little while that week, said we should hang out the next weekend and do something. She agreed and said it would be fun. I knew it would probably be on Friday since she had told me she would be free that day most likely. So, that week I tried to clarify that we could do something on Friday, but she was going to be hanging out with her friend that night who she hadn't seen for a while, and her work party was on Saturday night. We then tried to plan for Monday, but I didn't hear back from her about it and I couldn't quite muster the enthusiasm to follow up after so many dates getting turned around. Instead, I went to St. George and had a good weekend with the family. Never heard from that girl to even check up on if we were still on for Monday. Maybe I should have been the one to say something, I might have been wrong there. We had never set up a time, though, so I really thought she would care more about it and at least try to see about it. I don't know what was up there, that was probably partly my fault.

So, maybe I deserved what happened next. The Friday before when this third fallen-throught date was supposed to take place, I was getting vibes that the girl probably wasn't interested..... so I scheduled a date with a different girl who I thought there would be some potential with. And, it seemed like I was right. This girl showed lots of interest on the date. She flirted, initiated lots of contact, purposefully cuddled with me later, and held my hand while leaning against my shoulder. Seemed interested. Four days later, earlier this week, I said it was fun and we should try for a second date, but she said she wasn't interested....... and I guess I must be doing something wrong.

This has been a lot of bad luck in just three weeks. I know we're supposed to be dating a lot..... but I'm not sure how much longer I can keep going. It seems entirely possible most girls just don't want to date me. Maybe there's not much more I can do. I'm not sure. I have a date planned for this weekend with a girl who actually asked me out, so that one might go a little better. I'm just exhausted right now. I am trying really hard. I really am. We'll see what happens. All I know is I just want something to go right. My life doesn't seem to have much direction, and I don't know what I'm doing or where I'm headed really.

It's going to get better. Just need to have some faith. And I need to believe that when I say it. Right now, I'm having a really hard time believing myself.